fight/up date

so the last post was about me and matthew saying i love you to each other for the first time. and this post is about out first fight. yup it happened and it was the hardest thing. it happened on wednesday the 24th. my brothers had come down for my grandpa's funeral that was on thursday. their wives had said that maybe the brothers should skype with matthew so of course it came up and i got really nervous. well when i told matthew that i was nervous about it, he took it the wrong way. he thought that i was ashamed of him and it really upset him. i kept trying to explain to him that i wasn't ashamed of him, that i love him but my families opinion means a lot to me. so he thought that there was something wrong with him if it meant that i didn't want him to meet them. i was so upset because that's not what i meant about it at all. he thought that if one of my family members didn't like him, that i would kick him to the curb. so i explained to him again that im in love with him and that wouldn't happen. that if someone was skeptical about him, i would obviously consider it but it wouldn't mean i would automatically leave him. so then he wasn't texting me back and i got really worried. i started telling my mom about what happened and i start balling my eyes out. i was so upset that matthew would really think i was ashamed of him. i didn't understand what was so wrong about me being nervous about him meeting my big brothers. so he finally texted me back, he'd gone to the gym lol. so i apologized and said that i wasn't trying to make him feel like i was ashamed of him because its not true at all. he said i didn't need to be sorry because i wasn't in the wrong and that he over reacted. so we worked it out.
it was so hard though. our first fight. i'm definitely glad it's over but i hope we don't have another one for a very long time.
so now my task is getting matthew to come out here. i want to see him so bad. to be able to hold him and kiss him and tell him in person how much i really love him. to finally make our relationship official. i know it's gonna be hard especially since we live so far away. we'll pretty much always have a long distance relationship until we get married because neither one of us is in any position to leave where we are and move somewhere else. it's already hard and we're not even technically going out with each other. all i know is that i love matthew with every part of me and i want to be with him for forever. so i'm willing to wait, and to work through how hard this is gonna be so i can be with him.
he makes me so happy. he tells me about 50 times a day that i'm beautiful. he really does make me feel like i'm the most beautiful woman in the world. he is constantly making me laugh and when i'm talking to him, i can't stop smiling.
we talk all the time. since we started skyping we have skyped almost every night, except like 3 or 4 nights. we text all through out the day. and every night before we go to bed we text until we fall asleep. i love it. i can't wait until he comes out here!

love

holy mother of all macaroni!

Matthew

huney im about to tell u something

and hope u dont freak out

2:49pmAubree

k

2:49pmMatthew

but immma say it regardless

i am starting to feel love for you

2:50pmAubree

really baby

2:50pmMatthew

yes

and i mean u can think what u want

but i needed to tell ya that

2:50pmAubree

well i'm glad you did

2:51pmMatthew

me too huney

i just felt like i needed to tell ya that

cause for the past week i have been hiding it

2:51pmAubree

wanna know why i'm glad you did

2:51pmMatthew

and just saying i like you alot

why

2:52pmAubree

cause i'm starting to feel love for you too

2:52pmMatthew

aww

im glad we are on the same page

2:52pmAubree

me too

2:52pmMatthew

idk if you noticed but the past week

when we were about to go off of skype

i almost said i love you

2:53pmAubree

really

2:53pmMatthew

yeah

2:53pmAubree

i've been feeling this way for like the last week too

2:54pmMatthew

and the only reason why i didnt just tell you

was cause i was afraid

of like scaring ya off

2:54pmAubree

ya i understand baby

2:54pmMatthew

wow im glad we are on the same page

2:54pmAubree

me too

2:54pmMatthew

i <3 you

2:55pmAubree

i <3 you too baby

2:55pmMatthew

i really LOVE you

2:55pmAubree

i really love you too

2:55pmMatthew

ahh

come b with me

2:55pmAubree

i want to soooo bad

especially now lol

2:56pmMatthew

i know we cant do this bab y but wuldnt it b awsome if like we culd like just drop everything and run off together

2:56pmAubree

ya it would

2:56pmMatthew

not knowing like where we are going or anything

2:56pmAubree

i would love it

2:57pmAubree

ahhh

2:58pmMatthew

ahh

it wuld b soo amazing huney

ya that's freakin right. i'm in love with matthew. i've been wanting him to tell me for the past week and it turns out he's been wanting to tell me. i can't believe this! i've seriously thought it every time we get off skype or stop texting at night to go to bed. and finally! i kinda wish it didn't happen over stupid facebook chat but i don't care anymore. i love matthew ryan winfrey!